Sources say Edward Snowden has saved the pop music industry
Sources within the pop music industry are crediting surveillance truth-leaker, Edward Snowden, for giving the nation's pop music industry a needed shot in the arm.
Artist scout, Jess Whiddlethumb, says that before Snowden's controversial dissemination of NSA surveillance practices, the industry's 15-22-year old target audience was beginning to turn off to pop's most popular icons. Whiddlethumb told a recent pop industry magazine that the turn off had just started to show dire affects in sales for artists such as Lady Gaga, Chris Brown, Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber.
"Sales figures for producers revealed a disturbing new trend," Whiddlethumb told Crap For Your Ears Magazine. "The audience were turning their backs to trite, plastic music. Research showed that more and more of them were beginning to listen to Indie rock bands, and worse, old classic artists like Clapton, AC/DC and Lionel Ritchie. But as soon as the media became enarmored with Mr. Snowden's run from U.S. officials, this dangerous trend ended. I'm not sure what the connection is, but initial studies reveal that after a day catching up on the latest Snowden tidbits, listeners are too tired to search for serious music."
Music promoter, Belinda Uberblow, says this boon to the pop industry couldn't have come at a more consequential time.
"Black Sabbath's new album, 13, just skyrocketed on the Billboard," Uberblow told reporters. "And pop stars sure don't need this kind of competition with performers that compose that play their own instruments and sing about stuff other than how hot or gender unidentifiable they assume they are. Real music could threaten the end of an era of quaintly mindless and cheaply produced mediocre tunes... not to mention the financial ruin of our beloved hair salon and chest hair waxing industries. So thank-you, Mr. Snowden, you are a godsend!"
Artist scout, Jess Whiddlethumb, says that before Snowden's controversial dissemination of NSA surveillance practices, the industry's 15-22-year old target audience was beginning to turn off to pop's most popular icons. Whiddlethumb told a recent pop industry magazine that the turn off had just started to show dire affects in sales for artists such as Lady Gaga, Chris Brown, Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber.
"Sales figures for producers revealed a disturbing new trend," Whiddlethumb told Crap For Your Ears Magazine. "The audience were turning their backs to trite, plastic music. Research showed that more and more of them were beginning to listen to Indie rock bands, and worse, old classic artists like Clapton, AC/DC and Lionel Ritchie. But as soon as the media became enarmored with Mr. Snowden's run from U.S. officials, this dangerous trend ended. I'm not sure what the connection is, but initial studies reveal that after a day catching up on the latest Snowden tidbits, listeners are too tired to search for serious music."
Music promoter, Belinda Uberblow, says this boon to the pop industry couldn't have come at a more consequential time.
"Black Sabbath's new album, 13, just skyrocketed on the Billboard," Uberblow told reporters. "And pop stars sure don't need this kind of competition with performers that compose that play their own instruments and sing about stuff other than how hot or gender unidentifiable they assume they are. Real music could threaten the end of an era of quaintly mindless and cheaply produced mediocre tunes... not to mention the financial ruin of our beloved hair salon and chest hair waxing industries. So thank-you, Mr. Snowden, you are a godsend!"
